Oops! I did it again

Day 09 - Something you’re proud of in the recent weeks

For lack of something to write about in this specific category...I think I shall do the exact opposite: Something you're not so proud of in recent weeks. Get ready. This could be a long list.

Somewhere between trying to be all I can be and actually pulling off the "Mom of the Year" award I have failed. I failed to maintain the high level of housekeeping that would make the Flylady beam with pride. I have failed to maintain even the smallest effort at eating better. I have failed to control my temper and I have failed to keep up with the laundry. I have failed to color code my socks and I have failed at keeping up with this blog.

Okay, I don't really color code my socks. But you get the idea. I sometimes feel like I am walking around with a big red FAIL! stamped across my forehead.

When I think of all the things I didn't do I have to wonder: what the heck HAVE I been doing? If my list of things not accomplished continues this way...I don't know what I'm going to do! Maybe I am doing things without realizing what I'm doing. I remember reading that book Sybil when I was a teenager. Sybil had multiple personalities and would sometimes take off at night and lead a double life. She had no recollection of what she had done or where she had been but there would be evidence of her activity the next day. Maybe I'm like that. Except I'm having trouble finding the evidence.

I have been tempted on occasion to track my every waking minute to see just where the time goes. I've even downloaded a spread sheet and flowchart for just this purpose (I know you're shocked!) I have done this kind of thing in the workplace. What I learned from the experience is what I thought would only take me 20 minutes actually really took an hour.

So maybe that's the answer. Maybe I think I'm doing lots of things but it turns out it's really taking me much longer than I think so I am running out of time and not even realizing it.

To be fair, I really should fess up and share what I have been doing so maybe I can get to the bottom of this. Here's what I remember:

Monday: I'll be darned if I got one load of laundry started or got even one dish washed. I spent the evening at a VBS meeting. Very productive. I finalized plans for several of our teams and I got all the info I needed to order our craft supplies. I learned we have some very talented young people in the church and some resourceful more mature folks too. Oh wait. I might be a teensy bit proud of them.

Tuesday: I made baked ravioli and garlic bread. The pan might still be soaking in the sink. I then argued with She Bug about why she should eat said ravioli and she argued back that she doesn't understand why I cook food she does not like. I then shuttled Miss Bug and her brother to gymnastics. He watched, she did back hand springs and walk overs on an empty stomach. I worked on more VBS details until the gym coach came to the waiting room to get me. "She's doing so great. I use her as an example several times each class. You have to come see this." Oh wait. I might be a teensy bit proud of her.

Wednesday: I didn't get any laundry, dishes or VBS work done. The day started with Mr. Bug phoning me with news of a friend suffering a heart attack. Then Mr. Bug's mother found out she had a 75% blockage in her heart. Angioplasty cleared the blockage but she had to stay overnight in the hospital. The next morning as we were walking out the door, we got news of a close family friend who had suffered an accident that left him with a brain hemmorage. There seemed to be bad news everywhere and we were in a hurry. The Wee Bugs both said "we should stop for a minute and say some prayers." Oh wait. I might be a teensy bit proud of them.

Thursday: I was so tired I dozed off while the Wee Bugs were watching cartoons after school. I did not get dinner ready. I did not do any laundry. I did not do any dishes. I did not work on VBS. What I did do was lounge on the couch while Mr. Bug made dinner and reminded the Wee Bugs to do their homework. We watched Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. Then the Wee Bugs and I cuddled on the couch to watch American Idol together. Mr. Bug checked on two of our three hospitalized friends, cleaned up and sent me to bed with the wee ones at 9pm. Oh wait. I might be a teensy bit proud of him.

Friday: Well here it is Friday night. Mr. Bug is spending the night with his mother who is home from the hospital. Our heart attack friend is in stable condition and our brain hemmorage friend was released today also. The Wee Bugs are tucked in for the night and I learned an important lesson: it's not the dishes or the laundry or the dusting or the condition of our toilets that really makes a difference. What matters is that I live the life I was created to lead. It matters that I spend more time thinking about the state of my heart than the state of my kitchen. It matters that in a profound kind of way being proud of something is really like being grateful for something.

I am grateful for the church folks who are willing to give their time and talents.

I am grateful for the coach who teaches my daughter and for the daughter who takes advice and practices faithfully.

I am grateful that my children have listened and learned that at the first sign of stress we should stop. And pray.

I am grateful my husband picks up my slack and treats me like a princess sometimes.

I am grateful I serve a loving God who does not condemn me when I make silly mistakes like thinking I am a failure because I didn't get the laundry or dishes or whatever done.

Oops! I did it again. I set out to convince myself that I have failed and it turns out the only thing I have failed at is proving that I'm a failure.