much ado about nothing

So we are sorta between internet connections at home...thus the unexpected "Spinning My Plates" hiatus. So, please accept my apologies and bear with me while I try resolve our technical difficulties. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming...


Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you


I immediately thought of my twin bugs and the shift in my thinking once I became a parent. But then I thought no, that's too cliche. Then I thought about Jesus and my relationship with Him and how that's impacted me but I couldn't find a picture that wasn't too hokey and funny looking. I thought about putting my hubby...then my family. My co-workers, my friends...all these people have had an impact on me. And all in a good way. But I looked at the subject again...impact doesn't necessarily mean good and could, in fact, be bad...very bad.

I think quantifying "biggest" is quite difficult. I have been impacted by lots of things, in lots of ways. Was there one that was bigger than all the rest? biggest? hmmm...I'm thinking, I'm thinking. If I could turn back time and change one moment in my life it would definitely be that day in 1985 when I shattered my right knee cap. A few days short of my 16th birthday, if I could have just stepped down off that curb in a different way, in a different spot. That one moment in time has forever changed my life. I know that sounds melodramatic and possibly even a bit contrived. But from where I stand, that one thing, that motion, that step (or rather misstep) has had the biggest impact on me.


I never completed proper physical therapy. Maybe it was because my parents were too busy running their restaurant to get me there 3 times a week, maybe I was a petulant teenager who thought she knew better. Either way, my leg did not heal correctly and now some 26 years later I still can't use it properly.

Am I bitter? Perhaps. I don't spend lots of time thinking about it but when I look at my daily life most everything I do is shaped by the fact that my leg does not bend or extend fully. I have to sit with the seat back as far as possible in the car. Getting in the passenger side of most cars is tough. I sort of have to lean over into the driver side to get my leg in. That's not in and of itself a big deal...unless there's someone in the driver's seat. It's especially awkward to put my head on someone's lap if I am not intimately familiar with them...if you know what I mean.

I cannot sit in the backseat of a car. I cannot ride a bike or rollerskate. I cannot kneel. And now in my old age the deterioration caused by osteo arthritis is making life very difficult. I use a cane some times and I ride a buggy at the grocery store. I have a tough time getting up and down. I know I appear to be the laziest person in the world but really I'm not. I just know that getting up and down will hurt. I also know that standing will hurt and walking more than a few steps will also in fact be painful. Oh, I take meds and yes, they take the edge off...but short of getting a new knee I will not know physical activity without pain for the rest of my life. I have a handicapped placard hanging in my car and I feel more like 72 than 42.

Now, I know what you're thinking because my doctor thinks the same thing. If I wasn't overweight I probably wouldn't be having such a hard time. And that's probably true. But how do I change something that's been with me my whole life? I don't know how else to be. I have tried all manner of weight loss programs and I always come to the same end: it's easier to do nothing. That nothingness offers instant gratification. If I do nothing well then I can't fail at nothing.

But, it appears I am at critical mass (ha, ha). My family doctor has never given me a hard time about my weight. He knows my issues and he knows I am for the most part an otherwise healthy person. But, I made the mistake of going in for a check up. I had no complaints I was just there to get a prescription. That's when he sprung it on me, "I think it's time we do something about your weight."

So to make this long rambling story short(er), I have started on what is most likely the 467th journey to change myself. To recreate who I am from the inside out. I am seeking professional help and more than the number on the scale...I am watching and waiting for the loss of my body to bring a gain in my mobility. For when there is less of me there surely will be more getting around. I promise not to bore you with all the gory details. But you may find my writing makes a shift in perspective.


I'd like to invite you come along on this journey with me. I will need all the help I can get. I can't make promises but I can tell you that if I keep doing what I always did, I will get what I always got. And that's a whole lot of nothing.

that's really super, supergirl

Day 06- Favorite Super Hero and Why

Again with the difficult challenges! So difficult I missed my Tuesday posting deadline and here it is Friday. Thank goodness for a Snow Day so I can catch up! I don't know much about super heroes except what I've learned from 8-year old He-Bug. He (and his uncle) are particularly into super heroes. My interest, however, never went beyond wanting Wonder Woman Underoos as a kid.


I have seen quite a few super hero movies in recent years and at the risk of showing my ignorance I will confess that I'm not sure whether its a chunk of kryptonite or a radioactive spider that causes problems. According to He-Bug, I just have my movies all mixed up.


I've been thinking about this topic and even took a poll among the super hero inclined to see what really makes a super hero...well, super. I also took a quiz. You now, one of those "Which Super Hero Are You" quizzes. I didn't like the results.


After much research I have formed this hypothesis: what makes super heroes super is that they are larger than life. They can do things no ordinary human can do. They stand on the side of righteousness and work for truth, justice and the American way, right? Hmmm. Yeah, I guess I don't really have a favorite SUPER hero.


However, I have developed a deep affinity for one real-life hero. This hero is frequently called into action. She is quick to respond and eager to serve. She never stops until all the work is done and, unfortunately, she does not have a really cute costume. She is more than super...she is real. She's got every block on her calendar full, she kisses boo boos with one hand while wiping spills with the other. She teaches math and spelling all while folding laundry and keeping the whites truly white. She does dishes and pays bills. She stays up all night making cupcakes for the school bake sale. Who is this creature of habit and glutton for busy-ness? Why of course, she's Human Doing.


I have a soft spot in my heart for a band few people have probably even heard of...XTC. This British band helped me make it through the 90's. Their music is good, their lyrics are thought-provoking. You know, two great tastes that taste great together! They have a song dedicated to a super hero and well, it's not really a very nice song. Essentially the author is telling Supergirl that she stinks as a real hero. She's fantastic at saving the universe but when it comes to caring about the people who love and admire her, she's a big FAIL. In essence, she's a fake. She works really hard doing stuff all the time but when it comes to nurturing relationships...she's no hero. She's a big fat zero.


This has always been one of my favorite songs. So when I started thinking about super heroes it immediately came to mind. Upon further reflection and digging deep into the lyrics, I see this song as a great warning. This is especially true of us mothers. We (I) become so absorbed in doing, that I rarely ever spend anytime just being. I am Human Doing.


This warning is especially time sensitive for me. My kids are past the "need me every single moment of their waking hours" stage and I see them hurdling closer and closer to the "won't give me the time of day" stage. I don't want to be so caught up in doing stuff that I wake up one morning and Mr. Bug says "yeah, that's really super, Supergirl...you saved the universe but you forgot to watch our kids grow up."


So, there's my answer: Human Doing is my favorite hero because I so relate to her. But I'm going to try to learn a lesson or two from XTC's Supergirl.


til next time,

living on the edge

A Picture of Somewhere I've Been

This was a particularly difficult challenge for me. I guess I am not very place oriented. Well, at least not a specific place or trip or vacation. I do feel a certain kinship with places that are in nature. I wouldn't call myself an outdoor person but I like to be in fresh air and sometimes that means just sitting in the back yard with my evening coffee (of course not this time of year!)

I have a thinking spot I visit when the weather allows. It's a secret place so I won't reveal the location (and I don't have a picture of it) but more impressive than the look of the place is the feeling it evokes in me. It's mostly quiet but there is a railroad nearby that sometimes intrudes on my solitude. There is small body of water and lots of trees and various woodland creatures. My favorite time to be there is when the weather is just beginning to get frosty. The leaves are still colorful and although I like being in the presence of nature I tend to stay in my car. Inside it's toasty warm and I have the windows down just enough to get a whiff of that autumn breeze. I am sometimes brought to tears when I think of the beauty and simplicity of nature. That the Creator had the foresight to make all these earthy tones and breathtaking colors. It puts a little tingle in my soul. I feel giddy and very loved when I am in my thinking spot.


However, there is another place that brings out some of these same feelings in me. It's a place that I have never been alone. I have only ever been to this place with Mr. Bug. We started going to this place before there was a Mr. or Mrs. in our relationship. I have seen it in different seasons each with its own unique look. Winter is perhaps the harshest time of year in this place. But also what some might call the most beautiful. It's as though time is standing still. I love how the ice is frozen in motion. A little eerie but somehow it’s also quite beautiful.


Then there's this view when the grass is green, the trees have leaves and the wind blows the waves towards the shore's edge. Who knew the city once known for its burning river had such a beautiful green space? This is Edgewater Park and we visit it whenever we get to Cleveland. There are usually groups of kids and grown ups flying kites...wind permitting. I am not talking about the 99 cent kite at the drugstore...I'm talking about the coolest box kites and hi-tech wind catching devices I have ever seen.

This place holds lots of memories for me and Mr. Bug. Before the He-Bug and She-Bug arrived we used to be the jetsetters. Making it to the nearest big city for a weekend jaunt whenever the whim struck. We never left the continent and actually only left the country once...but just long enough to drive through the tunnel to Windsor, Ontatrio. We started visiting this park in the mid '90's and I'm ashamed to say I don't think I've been there in the last 5 years. I have three favorite memories of this place. Nothing spectacular...just special moments that have stuck with me for the last 15 or so years.

Our first trip to Edgewater we walked along the rocky edge and set up shop just a little ways down from a Spanish-speaking family. We rolled up our pant legs but we were too far up to reach the water. We basked in the sun, held hands and enjoyed listening to our neighbors. I'm not sure where they were from but they were all fishing. And they were having a ball. They had a little radio playing music, picnic sandwiches and bottles of pop and I swear every member of the family from Great Uncle Pedro to the tiniest brown-skinned baby was there. I remember thinking there was no place like this in Columbus (where we lived at the time).

Another time (when my legs still worked...mostly) we climbed up a craggy rock formation that was covered in a spindly kind of brush. There was really no where to sit and be comfortable. We had brought a blanket but neither of us remembered to bring it from the car and we were too exhausted from the trip up to venture back down and up again. Should've known then that we were destined for out-of-shapeness! This spot was particularly secluded and I was really ticked when I realized we weren't going to be able to enjoy this spot for a little romantic interlude like in the movies...you know what I mean. The couple on the blanket rolls around in the dirt or grass or other nature spot. They look like they are having the time of their ahem, adult lives and you're thinking that CANNOT be comfortable. Yeah, trust me it isn't. And it's even worse without the blanket!

My third memory is from a warm, but not hot summer day when the breeze was blowing but not too hard. We were a little early for a hotel reservation so we were killing time. We headed to Edgewater and pulled into a spot that was on a grassy bluff overlooking the beach. We were a little jetlagged from our trip and decided to catch a few winks while we had the time. We both reclined our seats and started to snooze. I was not fully sleeping...just enjoying the hazy feeling of relaxation when something tickled my nose. I opened my eyes and found a a yellow leaf sitting on my chest. It had floated in on the breeze. Mr. Bug must not have been sleeping either. He looked over at me and said that must be a sign, a symbol of something special. I looked down at the beach while twirling the leaf in my hands. That's when I saw it...a wedding. On the beach! I felt like a spy peaking into their private moment. I'm sure they couldn't see us and we wouldn't hear them but we knew what was going on just by the looks of things...and it was something special. I still have that leaf in a little acrylic box stashed away with my other keepsakes.

From time to time I have wished to live on the coast and well, Cleveland is as close as this Ohio girl will ever get. There's a cool art deco house that peaks over the trees behind the park. I always thought it would be so cool to have that house...to be able to watch the boats and waves, to enjoy the trees and greenery of summer...to be right there...living on the edge.

Photo Credits: 1) Cleveland Daily Photo Blog, 2/18/07, 2) By Htarbor at Panramio.com