Wednesday, January 15, 2014

I ate the whole thing

I realized something as I sat down today to eat lunch. I used to be a volume eater. That's right I said it...a volume eater. I always ate because the food tasted good but it turns out I was never satisfied unless I ate the whole thing. Today I tried to replicate a dish I created maybe a year or even two ago: a refreshing salad with beets. This one was composed of fresh organic baby spinach, sliced beets spread with ricotta cheese, covered with a sprinkle of salt & chopped pecans and the whole thing was drizzled with lemon vinaigrette.

The last time I attempted a similar salad it filled an entire dinner plate. And I mean it was completely filled, nearly 5 inches high and I ate the whole thing. This time I used a small saucer & included only 5 beet slices. Even at this small size I could only eat half the salad. Yes, there is a physical reason I could only eat half. That's the whole point of weight loss surgery. But today, for the first time something clicked in my brain ...something about the fact that it was okay to eat just half. Finally I'm starting to get the picture.

Weight loss surgery is just a tool. If I keep eating just because something tastes good, then I am no different than I used to be. I recall the words of the doctor on the show called "My 600 Pound Life". He constantly reminds his patients that reducing the size of your stomach only means it will take you longer to eat. You can continue to eat as soon as your pouch empties out. If you keep eating, you stretch the pouch, you take in more calories than you are supposed to and you negate the entire purpose of the surgery.

That salad tasted delicious today. After weeks of nausea, vomiting and just plain feeling like crap, I am finally able to eat real food. Not just processed food, not just the food that I can grab-n-go but real honest food like I see tv chefs prepare. I always think I don't have time for that or it doesn't make sense, it's too complex or there are too many ingredients. But today I wanted something delicious. And it turns out delicious can be simple as 5 ingredients. The crispness of the spinach, the tartness of the beets, the creaminess of the slightly salty ricotta, the crunch of the pecans and the tang from the lemon vinaigrette. It was the ultimate in food combining. I had a little tiny bit of each food on my fork...and even though it was a small was delicious!

After I got through the first two beets, I slowed down. I got to the third beet and I had a really hard time finishing it...almost to the point where I thought it was going to come back up. That's when I stopped and my light bulb went off. Somehow during this nearly 45 year old life I've learned to listen to my taste buds rather than the "shut off switch" in my stomach. I want to learn to be more mindful of my switch. Yes, they have altered my body to limit my food intake. But I think I still have some work to do in the head department.

But, how exciting! I can see changes in me and in the way I react to food. It's been a long, stalled journey...but I think I might finally be on my way.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Water, water, everywhere

The photo below shows my breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Also, represents snacks and every other waking hour. I must drink 1oz of water in one hour. No more...even though I feel like I could drink a whole swimming pool full! I must slowly sip each until the cup is empty. Then, at the top of the hour, I get to start all over again. Tomorrow I start clear liquids (broth, jello, etc. )

Until's water, water everywhere, with only 1 oz drops to drink!

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

My "before"

So, we're on the way to the hospital. Stomach is a bundle of nerves. Not scared just anxious.

This is my "before" pic:

It's a lovely close-up of my no make-up face and no product hair.

As advised by my surgeon, there was no last meal. I was able to eat up until midnight but I did not spend the evening chowing on all my favorite foods. There was no chocolate orgy or sushi supper (sorry, Todd). I munched on leftover chicken fingers and fries. I fell asleep about 11 and promptly woke up at 2:30. I watched some TV and eventually fell back to sleep only to wake at 5'ish. I gave up and put the TV back on.

I am ready. As ready as I will ever be. I have been blessed beyond measure with love and support from friends and family. And I have been completely and totally open about my decision to have this surgery.

So goodbye before. Goodbye old way of life. Goodbye and good luck. Go pick on somebody else. This girl has a date with her long awaited transformation.